Better me than you
This happened yesterday and prompted my post today – I heard a comment on our homeschooling that we hear frequently and wonder if you all hear the same thing and what you think about it. In discussing it with my wife, we determined that there are really 2 comments we hear more than any other – which prompted the flipped title to this post – more in a second. We get lots of questions or comments when someone finds out. I’m sure you get the same thing. Obviously, questions come in many flavors:
Some are curiosity – What’s that like? How do the kids do? Etc.
Some are interest – How do balance multiple grade levels? Can you homeschool if you haven’t finished college yourself (We have a cousin who just finished homeschooling her son through high school and she has no college experience. She also has enough challenges in life to take away almost any excuse. He is heading to college himself while running a very successful computer repair business). Do you think we could do it? How did you get started?
Some are well meaning (but usually un-informed) – What about social interaction? Won’t the kids be bored (like sitting in a classroom is the most interesting thing a young child – esp. male – can do)?
Some are even mean-spirited general comments like – “All the home school kids we know are abnormal / ill-behaved / [fill you favorite insult]”. Of course, we give proper consideration to comments like these and generally say a short prayer for the speaker (and asking forgiveness for the word we just used to describe them).
Yesterday the comment we got back was … “I’m glad that’s you and not me” – really a variation of better you than me. I honestly don’t believe this person was in any way trying to be mean. No ugly words from yours truly even. I have to ask – why? Why would you not want to spend the best part of your and your child’s day together? Do you understand how exciting it is when your child has the “ah-ha” light go on for something they were trying to understand and you’re there? Do you know how contagious their excitement for life is? Why would you be glad to surrender the incredible relationship we have with our children? Even as young teenagers we don’t get all the “normal” rebellion. Do you know how cool it is to have your 14 year old think you’re still cool? Of course they don’t or they wouldn’t say it.
The other comment we get so often is “I would never have the patience to school at home”. What? Do you really realize what you’re saying? That you don’t have the patience to be with your children all day? That you can’t teach your children? That someone who is paid a salary (way too low for the precious responsibility they have) will have more patience with the needs and foibles of your child than you could? Can you say Ritalin for behavior? This is your flesh, but their job. I’m not trying to be mean – I know some teachers for the school system that do a great job, but it is still their job. I firmly believe that as parents we have the direct responsibility for raising and educating our children and that, in the end, we will be held to that responsibility. We must teach them to be adults and instruct them in faith – if not they don’t stand a chance and society will suffer (maybe we’re seeing some of that now). Whether we step up to the plate directly or not, our kids watch everything we do (more than we even think they do – ask them to do a skit where they parody you one night – you will be surprised how much of you they know). We are our children’s teachers. To say we won’t take the patience to do it is a cop out. Of course it is a valid option to choose to send your child to a school or to homeschool or some other situation, but the responsibility stays with the parent. All parenting requires patience in abundance.
Of course in the interest of not directly hurting someone’s feelings, I never say all of that directly. These thoughts just swirl in my head. Generally, the person saying “better you” or “I don’t have the patience” is usually looking for a convenient excuse to move the conversation to the next topic (or maybe they are just trying not to hurt my feelings with their real thoughts). I usually say something like “Oh it’s great” and “you really could do it too”. What I really want to say is “Yeah – better me …”
